Toilet learning at home and at school

Montessori schools usually call it toilet learning. The child is learning a skill, the way they learn to pour or button a coat, and adults set up the environment and the routine so the child can practice. Your child will practice in two places: home and the classroom. A short conversation with your child's guide and a few changes at home mean your child meets the same words, clothes and routine in both.

Start with a conversation with the guide

Ask for a few minutes at pickup or a short meeting, and bring these questions:

• What words do you use for the toilet, for pee and poop, and for wet clothes?
• When during the day do you invite children to try the toilet?
• Do you use underwear, training pants or diapers in the classroom, and when do you switch?
• What do you do when a child has an accident?
• How will you tell me how the day went?

Write the answers down. Then tell the guide what you already do at home: the words your family uses, whether your child has tried sitting on a toilet, any signs of readiness you've seen. Agree on one set of words and one approach. If the classroom says "toilet" and home says "potty," pick one.

Your doctor is the right person for questions about constipation, pain, or a child who seems much later or much earlier than expected. The school will follow its own policy for anything health-related. Ask what that policy is.

Dress your child for independence

A two-year-old who has to wait for an adult to undo a belt or a row of snaps can't use the toilet alone, however ready they are.

Choose clothes your child can push down and pull up without help:

• Pants or shorts with a soft elastic waist
• No belts, overalls, onesies or tights for school days during toilet learning
• Underwear or training pants your child can step into
• Shoes that slip on, so changing wet pants doesn't mean untying laces

Pack spare sets in a labeled bag. Ask the guide how many they want, and roll each set together so a staff member can grab one: underwear, pants, socks. Put a plastic or cloth bag inside for wet clothes to come home in. Check the bag every evening and refill it.

Set up the bathroom at home like the classroom

Classroom bathrooms are set up so a child can manage alone. You can do the same at home:

• A small step in front of the toilet, and a seat insert if the opening is large
• A low stool or bench near the toilet for sitting while pulling pants on and off
• A basket of clean underwear and pants at the child's height
• A small lidded bin or bag for wet clothes
• A step at the sink, and a towel on a low hook

Show your child each part slowly, the same way the guide shows a new piece of work: where the clean clothes are, where wet ones go and how to wash hands after.

Match the routine

Children practice best when the toilet comes at the same points in the day. Ask the guide for the classroom times, then line your own routine up with them. Common times are after waking, before going outside, before and after meals, and before nap or bed.

Invite your child with a statement. "It's time to use the toilet before we go out" gives your child a clear routine. "Do you need to go?" usually gets a no, especially from a child who's busy.

When your child tries, keep your words plain. "You sat on the toilet." "You pulled your pants up." Skip stickers and big celebrations. Let your child see that the toilet is one more thing people do during the day.

When there's an accident

Handle accidents the way the classroom does: calmly, with your child doing as much as possible.

A short script you can use:

1. "Your pants are wet. Let's go change."
2. Walk to the bathroom together.
3. "Take off your wet pants. Put them in the bag."
4. "Here are dry ones. You can put them on."
5. "Now we wash our hands."

Say it in a normal voice. Your child helps clean up if there's a puddle, with a cloth from the basket. Leave out scolding, and keep your tone the same as for any other chore.

Check in every week or two

Toilet learning goes in fits and starts. A child who was dry all week may have several accidents when a sibling arrives, a holiday starts, or the classroom changes. Talk to the guide every week or two. Compare notes on what's working in each place, and change things together so your child keeps meeting the same routine at home and in the classroom.