Grace and courtesy lessons for the first month

Grace and courtesy lessons teach children the social skills of the classroom the same way you teach them to pour or to button a coat: by showing the movements slowly and giving them a chance to practice. The four-week sequence below runs from greeting a friend to interrupting politely, with a way to present each lesson and what to look for once the children try it on their own.

How to present a grace and courtesy lesson

Each lesson is short, usually five minutes or less, and given to a small group or the whole class at line time. Keep the same shape every time:

1. Name the situation. "Sometimes we want to talk to a friend who is working."
2. Show it, with another adult or a child who already knows it. Move slowly. Say only the words the child will say.
3. Invite two or three children to try it while the others watch.
4. Stop while the children are still interested.

Avoid presenting a lesson as a correction. If a child has just pushed past someone, wait until the next day and give the lesson to a group without mentioning what happened.

Repeat each lesson several times over the following days. Many children need to see a lesson more than once before they use it on their own, and the youngest children in the room may watch for a week before they try.

A four-week sequence

Week one: arriving and moving in the room

• Greeting a guide at the door: making eye contact, saying "Good morning" and the guide's name, shaking hands if that's your classroom's custom.
• Hanging a coat and changing shoes, then walking into the classroom.
• Walking around a work rug without stepping on it.
• Pushing in a chair. Show how to stand, hold the back of the chair with both hands and slide it under the table without a sound.

Week two: sharing space with others

• Watching someone else's work. Show how to stand nearby with hands behind your back, and how to ask, "May I watch?"
• Waiting for a material that someone else is using. Practice saying, "I'd like that when you're finished," then choosing something else in the meantime.
• Saying "excuse me" when you need to pass someone.

Week three: talking with others

• Interrupting politely. In many classrooms the child places a hand on the adult's shoulder and waits until the adult turns to them. Show both roles: the child waiting, and the adult finishing a sentence before turning.
• Asking a friend for help: "Can you help me roll my rug?"
• Saying "No, thank you" when you don't want to join someone's work.
• Speaking in a quiet voice indoors. Show the difference between a voice for a friend at your table and a voice for the playground.

Week four: meals and care of others

• Offering food to a friend and accepting or declining it.
• Saying "please" and "thank you" at the snack table.
• Asking someone if they're all right after they fall or bump into something.
• Apologizing. Show the words, "I'm sorry I bumped you. Are you okay?" Keep it simple and avoid forcing it in a real moment.
• Welcoming a visitor to the classroom: standing, saying hello and offering a chair.

This is a starting order. If your room has a lot of children who are new to the environment, you may stay on week one's lessons for two weeks. If you have many returning children, ask an older child to help present the lessons they already know.

What to watch for after a lesson

Children start using a lesson over the following weeks, in the middle of the work cycle, when nobody is reminding them.

Keep a simple note for each lesson with three columns: the date you presented it, the children who were there, and the first time you saw each child use it without a reminder. A name and a date is enough.

Look for patterns. If several children still push past others at the shelves, give the "excuse me" lesson again to a new small group. If one child never uses a lesson the rest of the group has taken up, watch that child more closely. They may need a lesson in a quieter moment, or a smaller group.

Model every lesson yourself, all day. Children notice how the adults greet each other, how they interrupt, and how they speak to a child who has made a mess. If you want children to say "excuse me" to each other, they need to hear you say it to them first.

Plan a second round of lessons for October. By then the children will know the routines of the room, and you can add harder situations, such as joining a game already in progress or telling a friend you're upset.